South Florida to Break Free from hillbilly Florida!

After years of watching Tallahassee dismantle local laws like a toddler on a sugar high with a LEGO set, South Florida could finally say: "You know what? We’re done."

Let’s face it—this shotgun marriage between Miami Metro and the rest of Florida has been awkward from the start. We’re big city people, palm trees and pastel skylines. They’re strip malls, swamp politics, and ‘Jesus is my governor’ bumper stickers.

We wanted historic preservation, smart urban planning, w

State of South Florida

alkability. They handed us 40-story condos in flood zones. Instead of local local voices, they gave us preemption laws—because, apparently, the real American value is crushing local democracy for profit.

Tallahassee keeps acting like it’s managing a real-life SimCity where the cheat codes are “greed,” “corruption,” and “sell everything to developers.” Meanwhile, Miami’s over here trying to stay above water—literally and politically.

So maybe it's time we make it official: Let’s rename ourselves New Atlantis, State of South Florida, or just "Not-Alabama". You can keep the soul-crushing state legislature, and depressing Southwest. We’ll keep the culture, the coastline, walkable communities, and what’s left of our sanity.